Chemistry Jokes

1. What did one atom tell another?
- I think I lost an electron
- Are you sure?
- Yes, I'm positive.


2. A small piece of sodium which lived in a testube fell in love with a bunsen burner. "Bunsen! my flame! I melt whenever I see you" said the sodium.The bunsen burner replied :"It's just a phase you're going through".


3. Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says: "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies: "No,but I know where I am".

4. A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender: " How much for a beer?" The bartender looks at him and says: "For you, it's no charge".

5. Why did the white bear dissolve in water?
- Because it was polar.

6. What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
- A one molar solution.

7. Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak?
- Because it's in the ground state.

8. What do you do with a dead chemist?
- Barium

9. Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
- They're cheaper than day rates.

10. What happens when electrons lose their energy?
- They get Bohr'd.

11. What did one titration tell the other?
- Let's meet at the endpoint.

12. Why are chemists great for solving problems?
- They have all the solutions.


13. Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia?
- Because it's basic stuff.


14. What is a cation afraid of?
- A dogion.

15. Why did the ice cube get divorced?
- His wife said he was too ! cold.

16. Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen?
- They bonded well from the minute they met.

17. What kind of ghosts haunt chemistry faculties?
- Methylated spirits.

18. If H20 is water what is H204?
-Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming. . .

19. A group of organic molecules were having a party, when a group of robbers broke into the room and stole all of the guests joules. A tall,strong man, armed with a machine gun came into the room and killed the robbers one by one.The guests were very grateful to this man, and they
wanted to know who he was. He replied: My name is BOND, Covalent Bond.